Peace – Dovestar

May 2, 2023May 2, 2023

Being Right vs. Being Happy: Which do you choose?

Sometimes we get so caught up in being right that we forget about the feelings and well-being of others. That’s when we lose track of what really matters. The people we love, the things we enjoy, and the fact that life is short. What’s the point of being right if you end up unhappy and lonely because of it? Maybe we’re all right in our own way, maybe no one is always right, and maybe it doesn’t really matter who’s right or wrong.

Focus on the important things like enjoying the precious time we have in life with those we love and care about. Set aside your differences and accept each other without condition. Make the most of what you have and help those around you to do the same. In the end, who was right or wrong won’t matter as much as the time you spent with others and the quality of that time.

Understand that we all have different opinions and experiences in life, and get past those things so you can enjoy your time with loved ones and friends. Put love and friendship above opinion and other things in life. It is the time we spend with others that makes our lives meaningful in the end. The older you get, the fewer friends and family you have left in your life, so you realize that they are the most precious things to you.

Also as you age, you look back and regret the time you missed with loved ones and the mistakes you made in those relationships. You also see how foolish some arguments were or how unimportant the whole argument was. Regret always comes with age, but learning from mistakes is how we grow and improve as a person. So don’t hold on to the regret, forgive yourself and move on with that lesson in mind so you don’t repeat the mistakes of your past.

In conclusion, being right is not as important as being kind, compassionate, and respectful to others. We should not let our opinions and differences get in the way of our relationships and happiness. We should cherish the time we have with our loved ones and friends, and make the most of every moment. We should also learn from our mistakes and forgive ourselves and others. Life is too short to waste on arguments and regrets. We should live with love and gratitude in our hearts, and enjoy the gift of life that we have been given.

Ray Barbier

April 24, 2023

In ancient times the elders of the tribe were celebrated

In ancient times the elders of the tribe were celebrated and looked upon as wise counselors and leaders. They Told stories of old times, advised the young when called upon, and kept the tribe safe. The Tribe would make sure the elders always had adequate food and shelter and loved them as they should.

Unfortunately, in modern times elders are looked upon as burdens, relics of the past, and disposable. Elder generations starve themselves in order to pay for medications needed to keep themselves alive and to pay rent so that they can have a place to rest their head. Grown children place their parents in rest homes that gladly take the money from social security and barely take care of the elderly in their care.

A Government that sees the elderly as a financial burden on the system and seeks a way to eventually sunset social security and Medicare in the name of fiscal responsibility. I find it so funny how it is bad to spend money to help the elderly and poor but so acceptable if not celebrated to spend money on things that benefit the wealthy and big business.

Considering that a senator can serve one term and get a retirement that is quite above what one would get from social security working their whole life, I guess I can see how they care very little about social security since their own retirement is so secure. Really sad how modern society and the government view and treat our elderly. Everyone deserves to be respected, and everyone deserves an income that is livable.

We need to learn from our history and remember the importance of our elders and all others in the tribe of humanity. People need to vote out those who do not do their job in representing all people in the state they represent and vote for better candidates. Families need to revere the elders and when they have no choice but to put the elderly in rest homes, they need to make sure the rest home is doing the job they are supposed to do.

So much is broken in our modern world, and so much is overlooked and allowed to go on without any oversight or consequences. Too much is lost in the rhetoric of politics and the war for the best ratings in news agencies. So much is lost in the name of popularism and profit, and so many people are forgotten as well.

Do not let your parents, grandparents, and elders in your community be left behind and treated like they are disposable. One day it may be you who are the elder person being cast aside and forgotten. So what you do today to protect the elderly will one day protect you as you age.

Ray Barbier

#elderly #congress

April 8, 2023

Dealing with Toxic People: Strategies for Protecting Your Mental Health

Toxic people are unfortunately a fact of life. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or coworker, we’ve all come across someone who seems to constantly bring negativity and drama into our lives. Dealing with toxic people can be difficult and draining, but there are strategies you can use to protect yourself and maintain your mental health.

Firstly, it’s important to identify toxic behaviors. Toxic people tend to be negative, and critical, and always seem to be in conflict with others. They may gossip or spread rumors, undermine your confidence, or try to control your actions. They may also be manipulative, playing on your emotions to get what they want.

Once you’ve identified toxic behaviors, it’s important to set boundaries. This can be difficult, especially if the toxic person is a friend or family member, but it’s essential for your well-being. You can start by limiting your interactions with them and avoiding conversations that involve negativity or drama. If you have to interact with them, keep your conversations light and focused on positive topics.

It’s also important to remember that toxic people often thrive on conflict and drama, so don’t engage with them when they try to bait you into an argument. Instead, take a step back and remind yourself that their behavior is not a reflection of you. Focus on your own goals and priorities, and don’t let their negativity derail your progress.

Another important strategy is to surround yourself with positive influences. Seek out friends and family members who support you and lift you up, and try to spend more time with them. You can also seek out new social circles or hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment. By focusing on positive influences, you’ll have a better perspective on life and be better equipped to deal with toxic people when they arise.

Finally, it’s important to practice self-care. Dealing with toxic people can be draining, so it’s important to take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Make sure to get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, and exercise regularly. You can also practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques, such as meditation or yoga, to help you stay centered and focused.

In conclusion, dealing with toxic people is never easy, but it’s important to remember that you have the power to protect yourself and maintain your mental health. By identifying toxic behaviors, setting boundaries, surrounding yourself with positive influences, and practicing self-care, you can stay resilient and focused on your own goals and priorities.

Here are a few websites that may help you with toxic people and mental health issues

Psychology Today – A website that offers articles and resources on psychology and mental health, including tips for dealing with toxic people.
Tiny Buddha – A personal development website that provides articles and resources on mindfulness, happiness, and personal growth. They have a section specifically on toxic people and how to deal with them.
The Gottman Institute – A website dedicated to improving relationships through research-based principles. They have an article on how to deal with toxic people, specifically in the context of romantic relationships.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – A mental health organization that provides resources and support for individuals and families affected by mental illness. They have a section on their website dedicated to dealing with difficult people.
Mindful – A website that offers resources and information on mindfulness and meditation. They have an article on how to protect yourself from toxic people by cultivating mindfulness.

January 23, 2023

Ray’s Thoughts 1-23-23

anonymous ethnic man strolling on ocean beach

Too Much Violence in our country and around the world, lately we have been seeing killings at dance clubs and it seems to be target attacks on minorities or one sort or another. It seems hate has rooted itself in a percentage of the population, it seems bigotry, elitism, and terrorism are becoming too commonplace in recent years. Too many trying to justify hate and violence through belief systems and idealisms.

I never thought I would live to see a time in which there would be so many hate-driven mass shootings/killings in America. How anyone could take the lives of others so easily, why has it gotten to the point that so many have no concept of how valuable life is. Racism is still alive and hate seems to be on the rise around the world. It is sad that after all these years, all the suffering that people had to go through racism still has such a hold on a small but dangerous percentage of the population.

We all are a part of the same species, a species that has done some miraculous things, but we are a species that is stuck in a tribal-like mentality though we claim to be living in modern society. It is really shameful that a percentage of the human race still gives in to fear, hate, and tribal mentality. One would think that we would be beyond such early human instincts and social structures this far down the timeline. When will we as a species get to the point where we see that we all are the same species and that hate and fear are the enemies, not each other.

I guess the fear and hate will continue to grow as long as we keep enforcing the bad practices of using the labels made to describe our differences as a way to separate ourselves from others. Seems too much focus is put on such things as our nationality, race, political beliefs, and one’s religion. We should be focusing on the commonality within the human race. We all need certain necessities to survive, and we all desire to be happy and healthy. We all also desire a better quality of life for ourselves and our children. And I would believe we all would love to live in a world where we wouldn’t have to live with fear or hate. In the end, there is far more we have in common with each other than what is different.

November 9, 2022

Dovestar’s Ramblings 11-9-2022

There are many things in life we have little to no ability to change or affect. There are things though, that we have complete control over in our lives and that is where we should focus our energy on. For example, you may have no control over how others perceive you or how they think about you in general, but you do have control over how you treat other people and how you view yourself. One would hope that how we act and treat others, and the words we chose to have some influence on the opinions of others but in the end, it is something that is out of our control.

Basically, your life is yours to lead, and how you live it has a great influence on how much happiness you have in life. You can live your life selfishly, find some quick self-gratification and temporary bliss from possessions and wealth or you can choose to live a more selfless and humble life. Not everyone is cut out to be like a monk and live without any sort of possessions and be totally selfless, but we can find a balance between serving the ego and serving others.

I believe that we all have been given life not only to live and experience all it has to give but also to be stewards of the earth and to teach, help and love one another. Each one of us has a part to play in this grand design of life and each part is unique to each person. Some of us are here to teach, some are here to heal, and so on. Discovery your the part you are to play is not always easy but usually the gifts you were given usually give you clues as to what you are supposed to be doing in life. One example is if you have a natural talent for playing the piano, you could be here to give people entertainment or teach others how to play the piano or you may write a song that changes the minds of others.

Life can be complicated and so can how your mind works, the mind can be your best asset and it also can be an obstacle. Many people battle with depression, low self-esteem, and poor self-image and that will make it an uphill battle in finding happiness in life. Most of us face the memories of past mistakes and the regrets that come from them and many times we face trauma from past experiences that we have a hard time letting go of as well. And once again we come to things we can not change, things in our past are set and won’t change o matter how much we wish they would. Though we can not change the past, we can change how we deal with those past experiences and memories, how we process them, and how they affect us in the present.

We must let go of our past mistakes and the traumatic experiences we suffered due to circumstances and others. Forgiveness is one step in putting those things behind you, you must forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made and forgive others for what they had done as well. Forgiving others serves to free you from the hurt and pain others brought on you more than to free them of guilt. Think about it, how many times have you done something wrong and had been forgiven but yet hold on to the regret? That’s because you haven’t forgiven yourself, so you haven’t released yourself from the grief associated with your mistakes. So forgiving someone is more beneficial to you than it is for the person you are forgiving in the long run.

You can also look at it this way, if the person feels no regret over what they did to you in the first place, then how is the person you are forgiving gaining from your forgiveness? It is about letting go of the hurt, pain, and anger you hold towards the person that has done you wrong in the end. Also Just because you forgave someone does not mean you will forget what they did, and thus the trust they lost will stay the same.

Unloading that baggage of past hurt and regret frees up your mind to focus on more important things, such as being happy and enjoying life with those you love. So that leaves us dealing with poor self-image and self-esteem issues, which is a harder issue since we all have different reasons for being down on ourselves. Could be a combination of us accepting negative opinions of family and/or peers, our own negative opinions of ourselves, and past failures.

You can try to trace things back to their origin, try and figure out why you accepted it as truth, and then accept that it was only opinion, not fact. To be honest there are many self-help books out there dealing with this and if they are not helpful I would suggest getting help from a professional if it is a severe case.

Do your best to change what is within your power and learn to accept the things you can not control or change my friend. Peace and Blessings to all!

October 26, 2022

Love, hate, and fear

Living in a world that is full of fear, politics, and hate, Living and wishing that we all would choose a better fate, Wanting to see a change towards compassion before it is too late. They hate someone who is of another color and race, and they despise those who don’t belong to their political base. They create reasons to hate each other at an exponential pace. Love tries to break through all the hate and light the way, respect is what we need in all we do and say, Hope keeps us moving forward toward a better day.

Question why you hate and ask why you fear, Question all that you see and verify all that you hear, Question everything and think for yourself if you hold life and this world dear. Be true to yourself and be fair to all, don’t let fear or anger lead you to fall, and be ready to share compassion and answer love’s call. No one is above and no one is below, we are the same in the cosmic flow, and we all have a part to play in this cosmic show.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Our color or race matters not, our sex or preference matters not, we are all human and this is the only life we got. Right or Left matters none, we as a species are one, how we live and treat each other is what matters when it’s all said and done. Fear just divides and keeps one distracted and lost, hate destroys those who embrace it and has a heavy cost.

Acceptence, tolerance, and compassion are the keys to being forward-moving, Love is the fuel for our hearts to keep on grooving. Respect is the foundation we must build on, Life is what we must cherish before it is gone. We all are human and need to see that is true, working as one and doing for others is what we all need to do. If you choose to love or you choose to hate and fear it is all up to you.

Ray Barbier

October 21, 2022October 21, 2022

Random thoughts-Toxic people, self-worth, and forgiveness

person sitting outdoors — Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

Basing your self-worth on other people’s opinions of you and building your self-image on such only leads to a rollercoaster of emotions usually ending you up in depression or in a state of low self esteem. It is human nature to follow such patterns since we enter this world seeking the approval and acceptance of our parents and siblings. Which is fine in the earliest years of our life, but we are supposed to let go of such patterns as we age into young adults.

Unfortunately, many of us either let go of such behavior much later or continue on with it throughout our lives. Sure we can not avoid the opinions of others nor can we let go of that desire to belong and be accepted, but we can learn to navigate with the knowledge that what we think about ourselves is more important. Knowing that our psyche tends to seek approval from others and responds to the opinions of others, we should avoid toxic friends and try to navigate around toxic relatives as much as possible.

There will always be those in your life that do not like you and those that try the hardest to bring you down. Those are people we should try and avoid and ignore their negative comments and actions as much as we can. We should seek out those people that support us, enrich our lives, allong with those who may criticise us in a constructive way. We need some people in our lives that care enough to point out when were going astray just as much as we need those that emphasize with us and/or act as cheerleaders for us.

Toxic friends tend to break you down emotionally and mentally, some of them may not even know they are doing such because they never had positive reinforcement in their lives or a caring family possibly. Do not hate toxic people, just feel sorry for them. They are missing out on the love and happiness they could have in life and embrace the negativity in their lives for the short-lived rush they may feel or the temporary relief from the emptiness they feel.

Being a person that has both been toxic on occasion and the victim of toxic friends I can relate to both sides. On many occasions, I have tried to help some fo those toxic people in my life and rarely did I succeed in helping them because they didn’t want to change their way of thinking or being. This probably was due to my lack of abilities more than anything, so if you want to attempt to help someone who is toxic, I would suggest getting help for them if not seek out help for you to achieve such.

Life is hard enough at times, subjecting yourself to the negativity of toxic people makes it an even harder life to live. I guess there may be some strong enough to deal with toxic friends without suffering the ill effects of being around them all the time.Those people are probably rare and possibly the saving grace for the toxic people in their lives.

Just remember no matter what others may say or think, or even what you may beleive about yourself at times, you are unique and just as important as any other living creature on this planet. There is only one you in this universe and you were born for a reason. Just becuase you can not figure out what that reason is does not mean you do not have purpose in life nor does it mean you are less than anyone else.

If you stop worrying what others might think about you and focus more on how you could impact those around you in a positive and contructive way, you may find that you are quite a good person if you give yourself the chance. Forgive yourself of your past mistakes, and go forward with compassion and understanding. Forgive others as well, since holding onto grudges only does more harm to you than the one you hold the grudge againts. If too much energy is spent on regret and vengence the less energy is left to love others and for you to enjoy the gifts in life that you have.

Ray Barbier

June 1, 2022

Ray’s Random Thoughts 6/1/2022

world map on wall and laptop near cup and container

We are living in trying times, the world is on the brink of being at war, soaring energy and food prices along with politicization of almost every topic and the polarization of political views. With the war going on in Ukraine we watch the killing of civilians in the crossfire and the death of soldiers on both sides. Too many children suffered in this war and a sad percentage of the children died as a result of the conflict.

Both the East and West are playing a part in this tragic situation in Ukraine, They need to pause and look at the pain, suffering, and instability that’s being caused by the conflict, not only in Ukraine but across the globe. I ask the leaders of all the world nations, be it they are an active part or just a spectator of this conflict to think of the long-term damage that will come from this war. It will affect all of the countries of the world in the end economically and if we do not find a peaceful resolution to the situation it could cause a third world war. Being that there are too many nations in this world that poses nuclear weapons it could be the end of life as we know it.

different flowers shaped in word peace — Photo by Disha Sheta on Pexels.com

So, I plead with all the leaders of the nations involved to seek out a diplomatic solution to this conflict, the cost of this conflict is too high for what may be gained. After all, we are brothers and sisters in this world, even if we sometimes think differently or allow political, religious, and national policies and agendas to separate us. Deep inside we all want the same thing I believe, a safe and happy world for the future generations to live in and the economic success of the nations we live in.

Being just a Citizen, I see all people from around the world as part of my extended family. I firmly believe the people of the world are in general good and caring in nature. I just hope and pray that goodness is in the leaders involved in this conflict and we can go from military conflict to diplomatic discussions before it is escalated to a full-blown world war.

I Also pray that China can get its outbreak of Covid-19 under control so no more people will suffer. China could take the lead in trying to get the diplomatic discussion going, being one of the superpowers in the modern world, it would be great to see them step up and play a peaceful part in this conflict. I also hope China can slow down the aggressiveness towards Taiwan and find some sort of diplomatic solution there as well. War may benefit some financially, but for the majority of the people involved it only brings suffering, death, and destruction.

world map made of nuts and dried fruits — Photo by Monstera on Pexels.com

The East and West need to stop Saber Rattling, Finger Pointing, and posturing. As my mom always told me, be a part of the solution not a part of the problem. I know it all isn’t as black and white as it seems, but we are capable as a species to find peaceful solutions to these issues. The world needs a change in direction away from this aggressive and divisive path towards a diplomatic and cooperative path if we as a species are to survive and thrive in the century to come.

I Pray for peace and prosperity for all of humanity, I hope there will be diplomatic solutions to all the problems we face geopolitically. I hope as well we come together as species to deal with all the problems we face as a whole. God bless and best wishes for all.

Ray Barbier

March 4, 2013March 4, 2013

One can dream can’t they?

Sometimes I just sit here and think about the evil things men have done in the name of God, for love, lust, greed and power. Then there is those that enjoy doing horrible things for pleasure, so much evil that is out there in the great big world. Then when I think there is no hope for us I remember all the great things people have done, the communities pulling together after a disaster, the people who dedicate their life to helping those in need of food, medicine and just a friend to care. Though the bad things we see seem to be more prominent in the world it isn’t so, they are the main things reported on in the media and recorded in history. Seems tragedy is a ratings booster and is good at grabbing someone’s interest more so than the good things that go on.

Unfortunately there are people who do horrible things, this has been a fact of life since the beginning of civilization if not humanity itself. But just the same there are many good people out there that do such wonderful and good things. The balance between the two tips back and forth through time rarely letting one stay prominent for too long. Hopefully one day humanity will mature and become a society that is prominently peaceful and compassionate.

One can dream can’t they? Well peace be with you

Ray Barbier

Why is being right more important than doing the right thing? (onelifetimeblog.com)
for peace to manifest itself (onelifetimeblog.com)
The Myth of Inherent Goodness (vineoflife.net)
Fresh Quotes PEACE March (strawberryindigo.wordpress.com)
Talkin’ About Dreams (speakwithfaith.wordpress.com)
Helping isn’t enough. (whizwoman.wordpress.com)

February 21, 2013February 21, 2013

Even in cyberspace friendships, love and family can be found and created

Memories of friends both still living and those who moved on to a better place, The lost friends to time and to mortality. To them all I send my thankfulness for having them within my life for the short period they were. I pray for those still living to be happy and at peace with themselves and life. To those who have passed on I pray for their love ones and those they left behind to find the peace they need and for them to be able to cope with their loss.

So many I have known from real life and on the internet in such communities as Active worlds and others have died and did so at such a young age. So many feel pain and hurt from the loss of those wonderful people. Even in cyberspace friendships, love and family can be found and created. God bless those who are still here to feel the loss.

Ray Barbier