The battle between the self-centered and benevolent sides of our ego

Oh, how easy it is to get lost in your own mind, caught in worries, and in your own insecurities. To be locked in a never-ending cycle of what if, why me, and life isn’t fair. We tend to be stuck in a tunnel view of life at times. It is so easy to fall into the trap of seeing things as always about ourselves or that the world is against us. I think everyone deals with such thoughts and feelings from time to time, and that is okay I think. But being constantly stuck in that train of thought is unhealthy and it keeps us from moving forward and from enjoying life.

Life is about everyone and everything around us, we are not the center of the universe though it is easy to feel like the center of things. I believe it is human nature to be somewhat self-centered, It is part of the self-preservation mechanism within us all. I do not think it is even possible to be totally selfless, though I do think we can reach a pretty high percentage of being such. But then again there are known mental illnesses such as the martyr syndrome and so on that may make one appear more so selfless and other mental illnesses that can cause the opposite effect.

I think people should regularly check themselves, see how they treat others, and how they react to being treated by others as well. Since how one person acts and treats others influences all those around them in one fashion or another, then we should try to be a force for good in society. We should try to lead by example, and treat others, and ourselves in a kind and compassionate manner. If more people focused on how they treated others around them, the less toxic people and environments we all would have to encounter. Being toxic and/or self-entitled is damaging to society and in the long run, will only eat away at the person being toxic and/or self-entitled.

A percentage of toxic and self-entitled people may be suffering some sort of emotional or mental illness, and we should remember that. It is best to avoid those people if you can not get through to them and set boundaries for them when it comes to your relationship. Do not allow the toxic behavior of others to bait you into being toxic yourself, you have to hold the high ground and lead by example. It is so easy to fall prey to being baited into a word battle with toxic people. They seem to enjoy causing turmoil and thrive in the toxic atmosphere.

It is not easy to try and be a good-hearted individual, to think of others as much if not more than yourself. But then anything worthwhile takes a lot of effort, and it does not only help you emotionally and mentally, but it also helps those around you. To love, have compassion for others, and be charitable are very important and are quite therapeutic in the end. When we help others we are also helping ourselves, it causes our body to produce chemicals that make us feel happy or content. The human body and brain are geared towards pleasure as a reward, reason why humans are so prone to addiction, But that’s a topic for another post.

In the end, it boils down to the battle between the self-centered and benevolent sides of our ego. When they are in balance all is good, when it tips one way or another there are complications. Either we will put ourselves before and above all others causing harm to others eventually or we will put others above ourselves to such an extent that we will neglect our own well-being. It is all about balance, and what balance is right for you as an individual.

Just some thoughts for you, not bad for me before my first cup of coffee lol.

Blessings and happiness to all

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Dove’s Thoughts 1-24-23

Buddha said, “Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule”. Love is the energy behind what we call forgiveness, and is one of the most important keys to ridding ourselves of hatred and anger. The Qur’an has the verse “The repayment of a bad action is one equivalent to it. But if someone pardons and puts things right, his reward is with Allah… (Qur’an, 42:40)”. Forgiveness is found in almost every great religious text.  In the new testament of the Christian bible “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13, NIV)

It seems that forgiveness is something important in religion, but it is also important to philosophers, poets, and great thinkers throughout history. The following are just some of what has been said/written about the subject of forgiveness.

  • Confucius ~ “Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass.”
  • Voltaire ~ “We are all full of weakness and errors; let us mutually pardon each other our follies – it is the first law of nature.”
  • Paramhansa Yogananda ~ “Today I forgive all those who have ever offended me. I give my love to all thirsty hearts, both to those who love me and to those who do not love me.”
  • Epictetus ~“When you are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”
  • Friedrich Nietzsche ~ “And if your friend does evil to you, say to him, ”I forgive you for what you did to me, but how can I forgive you for what you did to yourself?”
  • Horace ~ “It is right for him who asks forgiveness for his offenses to grant it to others.”

So forgiveness is something important, it is the key to freeing yourself and others from past mistakes and all the pain and suffering those mistakes have caused. It is just as important to the forgiven as it is to the forgiver. Forgiveness may not always be easy, but in the end, it is well worth the effort. Holding on to a grudge, all the pain and suffering attached to it does no good for either side in the long run.

Dove’s Thoughts 12-12-2022

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Why all the stigma around mental health? Why do people have to be so cruel to those that just need a little help? We all need a little help now and then (even if some folks won’t ever admit it). There is no shame in admitting you need help and asking for it is the best thing to do. Life can be quite challenging at times, and our hearts and minds can be somewhat fragile at times as well. Getting help shows courage and demonstrates you have the strength to do what is needed to move forward in your life.

We face so much negativity in life, and a good part of it is during our youth, during the years we are developing our emotional and mental makeup and forming our personality as well. School years can be both the most wonderful and also the most dangerous time for us as individuals. During those years we form social bonds and face opposition from others in the form of bullying and social stereotyping. This is when we tend to gain many emotional and mental scars and problems. If we do not learn to overcome them eventually they just get worse as we age.

With all the suicides and gun violence and other forms of violence on the rise, it should be very apparent there is a need for more extensive mental health programs for all ages. Parents and teachers alike should be more observant and responsive to signs of depression, being bullied, and psychotic behavior. If we can catch a lot of the problems early we may avert the negative outcome that many may have to experience later in their lives. More has to be done both on the local and federal levels to make mental health services easier and more affordable to access so we can get a handle on this mental health problem our nation is facing.

Just remember the next time you see someone who needs help don’t just laugh at them or ignore them, instead try to help them find the help they need.

Dovestar’s Ramblings 11-9-2022

There are many things in life we have little to no ability to change or affect. There are things though, that we have complete control over in our lives and that is where we should focus our energy on. For example, you may have no control over how others perceive you or how they think about you in general, but you do have control over how you treat other people and how you view yourself. One would hope that how we act and treat others, and the words we chose to have some influence on the opinions of others but in the end, it is something that is out of our control.

Basically, your life is yours to lead, and how you live it has a great influence on how much happiness you have in life. You can live your life selfishly, find some quick self-gratification and temporary bliss from possessions and wealth or you can choose to live a more selfless and humble life. Not everyone is cut out to be like a monk and live without any sort of possessions and be totally selfless, but we can find a balance between serving the ego and serving others.

I believe that we all have been given life not only to live and experience all it has to give but also to be stewards of the earth and to teach, help and love one another. Each one of us has a part to play in this grand design of life and each part is unique to each person. Some of us are here to teach, some are here to heal, and so on. Discovery your the part you are to play is not always easy but usually the gifts you were given usually give you clues as to what you are supposed to be doing in life. One example is if you have a natural talent for playing the piano, you could be here to give people entertainment or teach others how to play the piano or you may write a song that changes the minds of others.

Life can be complicated and so can how your mind works, the mind can be your best asset and it also can be an obstacle. Many people battle with depression, low self-esteem, and poor self-image and that will make it an uphill battle in finding happiness in life. Most of us face the memories of past mistakes and the regrets that come from them and many times we face trauma from past experiences that we have a hard time letting go of as well. And once again we come to things we can not change, things in our past are set and won’t change o matter how much we wish they would. Though we can not change the past, we can change how we deal with those past experiences and memories, how we process them, and how they affect us in the present.

We must let go of our past mistakes and the traumatic experiences we suffered due to circumstances and others. Forgiveness is one step in putting those things behind you, you must forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made and forgive others for what they had done as well. Forgiving others serves to free you from the hurt and pain others brought on you more than to free them of guilt. Think about it, how many times have you done something wrong and had been forgiven but yet hold on to the regret? That’s because you haven’t forgiven yourself, so you haven’t released yourself from the grief associated with your mistakes. So forgiving someone is more beneficial to you than it is for the person you are forgiving in the long run.

You can also look at it this way, if the person feels no regret over what they did to you in the first place, then how is the person you are forgiving gaining from your forgiveness? It is about letting go of the hurt, pain, and anger you hold towards the person that has done you wrong in the end. Also Just because you forgave someone does not mean you will forget what they did, and thus the trust they lost will stay the same.

Unloading that baggage of past hurt and regret frees up your mind to focus on more important things, such as being happy and enjoying life with those you love. So that leaves us dealing with poor self-image and self-esteem issues, which is a harder issue since we all have different reasons for being down on ourselves. Could be a combination of us accepting negative opinions of family and/or peers, our own negative opinions of ourselves, and past failures.

You can try to trace things back to their origin, try and figure out why you accepted it as truth, and then accept that it was only opinion, not fact. To be honest there are many self-help books out there dealing with this and if they are not helpful I would suggest getting help from a professional if it is a severe case.

Do your best to change what is within your power and learn to accept the things you can not control or change my friend. Peace and Blessings to all!

Dovestar’s Ramblings on 11-7-22

History shows us there always was a small percentage that was in power and possessed the majority of the wealth. Regardless of the type of political system, there were always a few that had and the rest that struggled to have or had not. Even Communism and Socialism fell into that problem, in theory, those two types of governing sounded good, but those on top hoarded the money and lived in luxury as those they governed lived a meager and sometimes very impoverished existence. And to maintain that power and privilege those in power use force and fear to keep the common citizens in control.

This happens in all political systems to one degree or another, be it in the governing body or through the power of the rich merchants and business leaders. It has been a battle between those in power and the common citizens for centuries. Even democracy has fallen prey to the wealthy and powerful in multiple ways. The problem lies in the human condition, the desire for power and wealth, and the fear of losing those things. There is also the fact those who are wealthy lose touch with how it is on the bottom of the financial ladder, how it is to live from paycheck to paycheck or be faced with the choice of getting food or medicine etc.

It is sad to see profits being a higher priority and wealth as more important than those people who are starving, living in the streets and struggling to survive. Also a shame when you see so many who want to sunset social security and medicare when it was paid into by those on it all their lives. Those in retirement where the ones that worked to maintain the level of life the rich enjoy and voted all those politicians into office. Elderly people are not disposable, they should be respected and looked to for the wisdom they possess and many of us have either forgotten or never learned.

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The wealth divide is growing ever wider and there is very little hope to be seen at this point in history. Both democrats and republicans need to put thier rhetoric aside and start representing all the people not just a portin of their base. Time to stop the partisan bull hockey and reach across the isle and come up with real solutions that both sides can benifit from. Right now those that are representing us citizens are acting somewhat immature and seem set on dividing the nation instead of doing thier actual jobs.

We The People is meant to be all of us not just one political party or the other or just some obscure percentage. If things dont change soon we will be the divided states of america and what we once known as a democratic republic may be gone. Both political parties are to blame in one fashion or another. The greatest threat to our democracy is not which party is in power but how they goveren and if they serve us the people or their own agendas. Something to think about when you go out to vote tuesday!

Blessings to all

Dove’s Thoughts on 11/2/2022

We all play a part in society, we all have an influence on the world around us and that influence is important regardless of how big or small it may be. How we act in public, how we treat others, and the words we say are observed by others and it influences how they think and acts as well. Humans are instinctually tribal and tend to reflect those in their tribes/groups. Birds of the same feather flock together come to mind, and how true that is. Starts as early as elementary school and is very noticeable by high school. We form into cliques and social classes in those years and until we venture out in life for some time we tend to stick to the basic mindset of the groups we formed during those years.

Even those like me that were more of the outsider, lone wolf, and unpopular kid in their school years had formed behaviors and beliefs through the experiences they had during those years. The good thing is as you age you have plenty of opportunities to adapt your way of seeing life and how you act in it, even though those core beliefs from school years tend to play some part in how we develop, they are not immovable objects or unstoppable force in our lives. So we all can change the course we are in life, and become greater than the sum of our parts and experiences. We also can become great influencers on those around us and can either lead others to a more compassionate and peaceful way of life or bring them along the path of ruin.

The ability to think for one’s self and outside the box/norm is a great asset for an individual. Do not fall into the sheep mentality and follow blindly all that is spoon-fed to you by media and peers. Question and verify all, make your own path in life, and try to remain compassionate towards all life. Take time out from all the news outlets and social media and give yourself time to think about it all for yourself. Dont accept a package you dislike just to gain one item within it, especially if the rest of the package is against your core beliefs and values. It is not worth selling out who you are deep within just to get one win.

Be true to yourself and keep your eyes wide open friends.

Love, hate, and fear

Living in a world that is full of fear, politics, and hate, Living and wishing that we all would choose a better fate, Wanting to see a change towards compassion before it is too late. They hate someone who is of another color and race, and they despise those who don’t belong to their political base. They create reasons to hate each other at an exponential pace. Love tries to break through all the hate and light the way, respect is what we need in all we do and say, Hope keeps us moving forward toward a better day.

Question why you hate and ask why you fear, Question all that you see and verify all that you hear, Question everything and think for yourself if you hold life and this world dear. Be true to yourself and be fair to all, don’t let fear or anger lead you to fall, and be ready to share compassion and answer love’s call. No one is above and no one is below, we are the same in the cosmic flow, and we all have a part to play in this cosmic show.

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Our color or race matters not, our sex or preference matters not, we are all human and this is the only life we got. Right or Left matters none, we as a species are one, how we live and treat each other is what matters when it’s all said and done. Fear just divides and keeps one distracted and lost, hate destroys those who embrace it and has a heavy cost.

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Acceptence, tolerance, and compassion are the keys to being forward-moving, Love is the fuel for our hearts to keep on grooving. Respect is the foundation we must build on, Life is what we must cherish before it is gone. We all are human and need to see that is true, working as one and doing for others is what we all need to do. If you choose to love or you choose to hate and fear it is all up to you.

Random thoughts-Toxic people, self-worth, and forgiveness

person sitting outdoors
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Basing your self-worth on other people’s opinions of you and building your self-image on such only leads to a rollercoaster of emotions usually ending you up in depression or in a state of low self esteem. It is human nature to follow such patterns since we enter this world seeking the approval and acceptance of our parents and siblings. Which is fine in the earliest years of our life, but we are supposed to let go of such patterns as we age into young adults.

Unfortunately, many of us either let go of such behavior much later or continue on with it throughout our lives. Sure we can not avoid the opinions of others nor can we let go of that desire to belong and be accepted, but we can learn to navigate with the knowledge that what we think about ourselves is more important. Knowing that our psyche tends to seek approval from others and responds to the opinions of others, we should avoid toxic friends and try to navigate around toxic relatives as much as possible.

There will always be those in your life that do not like you and those that try the hardest to bring you down. Those are people we should try and avoid and ignore their negative comments and actions as much as we can. We should seek out those people that support us, enrich our lives, allong with those who may criticise us in a constructive way. We need some people in our lives that care enough to point out when were going astray just as much as we need those that emphasize with us and/or act as cheerleaders for us.

Toxic friends tend to break you down emotionally and mentally, some of them may not even know they are doing such because they never had positive reinforcement in their lives or a caring family possibly. Do not hate toxic people, just feel sorry for them. They are missing out on the love and happiness they could have in life and embrace the negativity in their lives for the short-lived rush they may feel or the temporary relief from the emptiness they feel.

Being a person that has both been toxic on occasion and the victim of toxic friends I can relate to both sides. On many occasions, I have tried to help some fo those toxic people in my life and rarely did I succeed in helping them because they didn’t want to change their way of thinking or being. This probably was due to my lack of abilities more than anything, so if you want to attempt to help someone who is toxic, I would suggest getting help for them if not seek out help for you to achieve such.

Life is hard enough at times, subjecting yourself to the negativity of toxic people makes it an even harder life to live. I guess there may be some strong enough to deal with toxic friends without suffering the ill effects of being around them all the time.Those people are probably rare and possibly the saving grace for the toxic people in their lives.

Just remember no matter what others may say or think, or even what you may beleive about yourself at times, you are unique and just as important as any other living creature on this planet. There is only one you in this universe and you were born for a reason. Just becuase you can not figure out what that reason is does not mean you do not have purpose in life nor does it mean you are less than anyone else.

If you stop worrying what others might think about you and focus more on how you could impact those around you in a positive and contructive way, you may find that you are quite a good person if you give yourself the chance. Forgive yourself of your past mistakes, and go forward with compassion and understanding. Forgive others as well, since holding onto grudges only does more harm to you than the one you hold the grudge againts. If too much energy is spent on regret and vengence the less energy is left to love others and for you to enjoy the gifts in life that you have.

Just some random thoughts that came to mind on this Tuesday the 23rd of April 2013

IMG_1283So, This is the life you have chosen. Where you are and what your doing along with how your feeling is the result of all your choices in life both good and bad. You made your bed, guess now you have to lay in it. Wait, what? um… Not right… You can always make choices now to change the course of your life and the bed you made can always be remade again. Some consequences you may have to face but then you can always move on afterwards and make a better life for yourself by making your choices more wisely. You are the master of your own life and destiny, you can always make a choice to change your life. Though sometimes it’s a hard and painstaking task to take on, but it isn’t an impossible one.

First choice anyone has to make when trying to change their life is to not be a victim or defeatist., instead be an optimist who will not allow themselves to be a victim of chance or circumstance. Unfortunately there is no magic bullet or instant fix when it comes to improving ones self and life,  it’s all hard work. I look at it like this, anything worth having or anything worth seeking is well worth any effort that it takes in order to obtain them. Choose to be and to transform into the person you want to be and make sure that what you choose to become is something you can both respect and live with.

Just some random thoughts that came to mind on this Tuesday the 23rd of April 2013

Ray Barbier

One person could start a change in the world

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Most people would like to change the world in one way or another. The only way to enact change on a large scale one must start with their own selves and start a chain reaction.To change the world we live in is really to change the opinions and beliefs of those who live in it. How can one person get everyone to change their opinions and beliefs? Well One person is all it takes to start a chain reaction of change, look at the 60’s in America how just a few spawned the hippie movement. Look how cults form under the ideas of one person and grow to become large communities such as Waco Texas and the Jim Jones  following. Though these may be negative examples of change , they prove that just one or a few can influence the many.

In a Technological information age as ours the power of one voice can influence a world of people in just seconds if not minutes. Television, Radio and internet are great tools to educate and get your message out to the public. Through these mediums you can either influence others for the good or the bad. Even with such great tools at ones fingertips you must be a leader and be one who leads by example to get others to acknowledge your ideas and philosophy. So start the change in yourself, show others the results and live by your philosophies / beliefs. As the old saying goes the proof is in the pudding, if you cant live by what you preach no one will believe or accept your ideals.

I mean would you follow a man who preaches love and peace while he murders people in the name of his philosophy or religion? Or would you stay at a church where its preacher who breaks every commandment while proclaiming he is either pure or innocent? I wouldn’t follow or believe in either of them, if you can not live by your beliefs and try to follow the rules of your philosophy then why should anyone else. This of course is not saying any preacher or leader will never fall or fail at times for we are all human and prone to make mistakes. With ones actions and freewill is a price we all must pay. The price is responsibility of our own actions and or choices we make. Even the words we speak are our responsibility, for if you mislead someone to their harm or to their disgrace you are responsible for that harm or disgrace.

So one person could start a change in the world and the world could change by the actions and words of one person. One person can change themselves and by doing so influence the change in others around them.

Enough of my Babble and Ramble Thoughts.

Peace and Wisdom be the Prize you seek
Raymond Barbier.

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